Dear person who is reading this,
It’s me again, the Big Bad Wolf. I hope you read my previous letter, if not, I understand why you’re probably screaming in terror and running in circles. Here’s a quick recap: Big Bad Wolf=good guy, Three Little Pigs=mean bullies. Now that you’re all caught up, let me tell you the purpose of this letter. I am telling this to tell you what really happened in the “fairy tales” that portrayed me as the villain. I already covered the Three (terrible) Little Pigs and it’s time for the (very obnoxious) Boy Who Cried Wolf.
It all started on a very sunny afternoon, it was that kind of the day that felt like warm dripping honey, relaxing and sweet. The kind of
day that tricks you into believing that life is relaxing and sweet, the kind that makes you let down your guard. I was stretched out under a green, shady, tree, relishing some of Red Riding Hood’s treats I stole (that I have no explanation for…) when I sniffed an odd smell. It smelt like wool, and humans, tiny humans to be exact. I glanced around and spotted a tiny boy, wearing woolen clothes and hiding behind another tree with half a dozen sheep. At first I just ignored them and went back to enjoying my meal. After a few minutes though, the boy began to giggle. I saw that he was giggling at me and gave a small growl while rolling my eyes. The boy and the sheep immediately took to their heels and scurried off to the village, screaming some nonsense along the way.
Glad to have gotten rid of the kid, I scampered off to my cave for an afternoon nap. However, my relaxation was short lived when I heard a bunch of voices yelling outside. I took a quick peak and almost fainted at the sight I saw. Hundreds of villagers carrying pitchforks and torches at the very place which I was eating earlier. You’re probably thinking “oh my,” well that’s the same thought I had at the time. And guess what! At the front of the crowd was the same boy I had seen earlier! He was wearing a superior smirk when he said in a mocking tone, “oops! I guess I was mistaken about the wolf eating my sheep,” with a laugh. As the villagers walked away with many grumbles, I could feel my anger boiling up inside of me. That horrid boy! I’m sure that you will be pleased to learn that I managed to control my anger and returned to my nap.
All was at peace for a few days until trouble struck again. It was just before sunrise and I was in a deep sleep, dreaming of luxurious food. Mmmmmmmmm! Anywho, I was very rudely woken up by cold water. I was soaked! I tried to get up but I found that my legs had been wrapped in wool! And worst of all, my cave was covered in sheep poop (EWWWWWWWWW)!! It was horrific! After cleaning up (UGH) I heard the yells of the villagers yet again. All of them were carrying their weapons and in the lead was the awful boy! “Where is that wolf?” asked a burly man in a gruff voice. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You fools!” giggled the boy. “WHAT?!!?” screamed the villagers angrily, they then turned around and stomped back to their homes. One of the villagers, a lady of age, turned to the boy, “you shall be in horrendous trouble one day,” she foretold in a raspy voice, “for you are a liar!” She then spat on the ground and walked off to the others.
What happened next is my fault I guess. I got so mad that I gobbled up all of the sheep and when the boy cried to the villagers, no one believed him. Of course, no one believes liars! I found him crying at a tree and I decided to put him out of his misery. By eating him! I know, I’m such a kind old soul!
What’s the moral of this story, you may ask? Some folks would say to never tell lies but in my opinion, it’s to never trust kids and to eat them at your earliest opportunity. Wow, this letter made me hungry! Ooooooh a sheep! I must go now for dinner is awaiting!
The BIG (Not so) BadWolf