Dear person who is reading this,
It’s me again, the Big Bad Wolf. I hope you read my previous letter, if not, I understand why you’re probably screaming in terror and running in circles. Here’s a quick recap: Big Bad Wolf=good guy, Three Little Pigs=mean bullies. Now that you’re all caught up, let me tell you the purpose of this letter. I am telling this to tell you what really happened in the “fairy tales” that portrayed me as the villain. I already covered the Three (terrible) Little Pigs and it’s time for the (very obnoxious) Boy Who Cried Wolf.
It all started on a very sunny afternoon, it was that kind of the day that felt like warm dripping honey, relaxing and sweet. The kind of
day that tricks you into believing that life is relaxing and sweet, the kind that makes you let down your guard. I was stretched out under a green, shady, tree, relishing some of Red Riding Hood’s treats I stole (that I have no explanation for…) when I sniffed an odd smell. It smelt like wool, and humans, tiny humans to be exact. I glanced around and spotted a tiny boy, wearing woolen clothes and hiding behind another tree with half a dozen sheep. At first I just ignored them and went back to enjoying my meal. After a few minutes though, the boy began to giggle. I saw that he was giggling at me and gave a small growl while rolling my eyes. The boy and the sheep immediately took to their heels and scurried off to the village, screaming some nonsense along the way.
Glad to have gotten rid of the kid, I scampered off to my cave for an afternoon nap. However, my relaxation was short lived when I heard a bunch of voices yelling outside. I took a quick peak and almost fainted at the sight I saw. Hundreds of villagers carrying pitchforks and torches at the very place which I was eating earlier. You’re probably thinking “oh my,” well that’s the same thought I had at the time. And guess what! At the front of the crowd was the same boy I had seen earlier! He was wearing a superior smirk when he said in a mocking tone, “oops! I guess I was mistaken about the wolf eating my sheep,” with a laugh. As the villagers walked away with many grumbles, I could feel my anger boiling up inside of me. That horrid boy! I’m sure that you will be pleased to learn that I managed to control my anger and returned to my nap.
All was at peace for a few days until trouble struck again. It was just before sunrise and I was in a deep sleep, dreaming of luxurious food. Mmmmmmmmm! Anywho, I was very rudely woken up by cold water. I was soaked! I tried to get up but I found that my legs had been wrapped in wool! And worst of all, my cave was covered in sheep poop (EWWWWWWWWW)!! It was horrific! After cleaning up (UGH) I heard the yells of the villagers yet again. All of them were carrying their weapons and in the lead was the awful boy! “Where is that wolf?” asked a burly man in a gruff voice. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You fools!” giggled the boy. “WHAT?!!?” screamed the villagers angrily, they then turned around and stomped back to their homes. One of the villagers, a lady of age, turned to the boy, “you shall be in horrendous trouble one day,” she foretold in a raspy voice, “for you are a liar!” She then spat on the ground and walked off to the others.
What happened next is my fault I guess. I got so mad that I gobbled up all of the sheep and when the boy cried to the villagers, no one believed him. Of course, no one believes liars! I found him crying at a tree and I decided to put him out of his misery. By eating him! I know, I’m such a kind old soul!
What’s the moral of this story, you may ask? Some folks would say to never tell lies but in my opinion, it’s to never trust kids and to eat them at your earliest opportunity. Wow, this letter made me hungry! Ooooooh a sheep! I must go now for dinner is awaiting!
The BIG (Not so) BadWolf
Hi! This is Nate Cooper, the Newspaper Club’s Sports Writer. Currently, I am in Cleveland reporting live from the 2021 NFL Draft. The Jacksonville Jaguars are currently on the clock. Many people suspect that Trevor Lawrence will go first overall. You can view my Trevor Lawrence Draft Profile here.
The pick is in! Let’s listen to Commissioner Roger Goodell: “With the 1st pick in the 2021 NFL Draft, the Jacksonville Jaguars select Trevor Lawrence.” It’s official! Trevor Lawrence is a Jaguar! The former Clemson Tiger will almost certainly be the starter for the Jaguars this season.
The New York Jets are now on the clock. A QB would definitely benefit them. Sam Darnold is good, but he isn’t great. The Jets have chosen! Here is Commissioner Goodell with the pick results. “With the second pick in the 2021 NFL Draft, the New York Jets select QB Zach Wilson.” The BYU junior is the second player in the draft that will definitely make an impact on their team in the Fall. From Utah to New York for Zach Wilson.
The San Francisco 49ers are on the clock. Prior to the draft they traded up for this pick; Jimmy Garoppolo can’t last forever. That is why many people assume that the 49ers will draft a QB. Although the rookie QB may not beat out Jimmy G this season, the 49ers are preparing for the future. Let’s see who they take, as the pick is in. “With the 3rd pick in the 2021 NFL Draft, the 49ers select Trey Lance.” The 49ers do select a QB! Trey Lance will head down south to play for the 49ers. The 49ers are counting on Jimmy G teaching him the ropes this season.
Currently, the Atlanta Falcons are on the clock. Unlike the first 3 teams to select, the Falcons aren’t looking for a QB; they have a very good one in Matt Ryan. A tight end like Kyle Pitts from Florida could do the Falcons well. Roger Goodell will announce the Falcon’s pick. “With the 4th pick in the NFL Draft, the Falcons select Kyle Pitts.” The Gator is now a Falcon! At the end of Pitts’ sophomore year, he sat in Florida’s tight ends coach, Larry Scott’s, office. Scott’s message to Pitts was crystal clear. Find a schedule. Manage your world. The very next day, Pitts walked into Scott’s office with a laminated, color coated, and timed out schedule. This shows that Pitts is in line with his goals, which is what led him to being picked up by the Falcons.
With the final pick in the top five, and the last one I will be here for, the Bengals are on the clock. The Bengals have been really struggling these past years- they could really use a good outlet for Burrow. The Bengals don’t need a QB after taking Joe Burrow in last year’s draft. The pick is in! The Bengals select Ja’Marr Chase. The first LSU player taken. Chase can really give Burrow a strong target to pass to. Chase and Burrow won a championship together at LSU. The Wide Receiver has top end speed along with great body control and can track the ball well. That is a great recipe for success for a WR. Let’s see if Chase and Burrow can continue their excellence and bring a championship to Cincinnati.
Well, tonight has been nice, but I gotta get going. Nice draft picks GMs. I wish all of you the best of luck in 2021! Let’s see which one of these rookies can have the biggest impact on their team.
We’re destroying our world
And killing our planet
Our temperatures are rising
The animals are dying
We are melting the ice
And flooding the ocean
The greenhouse gases
We spread in pure masses
Polluting our air
With no fresh to spare
My facts are outweighing
You see what I’m saying
It is now june
I’ll see you soon
Chances are I’ll be at the pool
After all it’s nearly summer
And this one won’t be a bummer
I’m sad to see you go
But homework ya…no
Remember those good days
Yes but it’s a bit of a haze
I wish you farewell
See you school
OHHHHHHH! Sam Shafer with the save on the doorstep! Loyola wins! It is Sunday night at Peter Barton Stadium in Denver, Colorado. Loyola is ahead of Denver 14-13. With 35.5 seconds left in the fourth quarter, Aidan Olmstead fires through the Denver double team towards the open goal. Wide. But Olmstead’s teammate Evan James has the back up. Evan James runs behind the cage to pick up a ball, while his teammate, Peter Swindell, picks up a ball from where it went out, Swindell drops the ball and James replaces him in his spot. In this miscommunication, Denver was able to get the double team on James. Plus, during this time, Denver Head Coach, Bill Tierney calls timeout to talk things over with his squad. If there had not been the miscommunication, Loyola could have gotten a quick whistle, and Denver wouldn’t have been able to call timeout. Off the whistle Olmstead throws the ball to his teammate who is completely covered, he doesn’t catch it and the ball bounces out of bounds… No, it stays in! What a weird bounce. Colin Squires picks up the ball from the ground and passes it ahead to LSM Malik Sparrow. The pass is errant and bounces at Sparrow’s feet. Loose ball with 23 seconds to go. It is complete mayhem in the middle of the field. Everyone is fighting for their season. Jack Hannah attempts to pick it up but it is knocked loose and headed for the sideline. It is a foot race between Hannah and Matt Higgins from Loyola. This is where all those sprints come into play! Both players get to it simultaneously and both try to clean the carpet. Neither player vacuums it up, and the ball ricochets to the sideline and out of play. Everyone on Loyola’s bench has their arms in the air pointing towards their net signaling for their possession. But, the referees converse and award Denver with the ball. Squires picks up the ball with 13 seconds left and quickly pushes it forward to Hannah. He is off to the races looking like Medina Spirit, the winner of the Kentucky Derby. Hannah rolls to the inside on Higgins and the slide is eager to come- not wanting to give Hannah a shot. Simmons backdoor cuts his defender who is ball-watching Hannah. Hannah slings the ball to Simmons with 6 seconds left. Simmons throws a nasty fake, but Shafer doesn’t bite! Simmons shoots… and SAVE! WHAT A SAVE! Sam Shafer with the season saving save! Simmons hurls his stick down and throws his hands over his head trying to hold back his tears. The ball goes right to Morrill who is clutching his stick so hard in nerves that the ball falls out the back. Matt Higgins picks it up and chucks it over the midline. Loyola wins! Fans have their arms way above their heads! Huge upset by Loyola! They will move onto play Duke in the next round.