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Public Speech from Bats Keer


Hello people!

It’s me, Bats Keer! I am finally back from my trip to Arendelle where I spent a whole month skiing! My trip was amazing and I have this great story about-wait, you don’t know who I am? HAHA! That’s a good joke, imagine not knowing who I am. Hang on… you weren’t joking? So you’ve really never heard of me? Does my Olympic title mean nothing?! The Olympics judge told me that I won 100th place because they said I was just too good for 1st. They had to come up with a whole new title just for me because that’s how good I am. I am a LEGEND! Okay, now that we’re on the same page here, I’m gonna tell all of my adoring fans (yes, I mean you!) about  something crazy that happened during my adventure.

I was at the mountain skiing down an intense trail that people call the ‘Bunny Slope” (it was extremely strenuous) when I took a wrong turn and accidentally flew right into the woods bordering the trail. I am afraid to say that I face planted on the snowy ground and was jabbed by fallen branches in the process. But never fear! I hopped right back on to my feet since nothing can ever stop me from achieving my calling of greatness. Once I was back on my feet, I surveyed my surroundings. The frigid, bitter, harsh cold burned my face while the falling snow bit my skin. Wind whistled around the trunks of intimidating trees that seemed to scrape the cloudless, blinding, bright blue sky. It seemed as if the trees went on forever. However, just as I was about to return to the trail, I spotted a suspicious clearing a little deeper in the woods. I let my curiosity take the reins and I trekked across to that spot in a matter of minutes. It turned out to be a path which led even deeper into the woods. Right next to the path was a neon yellow caution sign that screamed the words, “DANGER! SKI TRAIL UNDER INSPECTION! DO NOT PASS!” Obviously the sign was a secret message intended for me from the Mountain Crew. The sign obviously meant “SPECIAL SKI TRAIL JUST FOR OLYMPIAN BATS KEER! UNWANTED SKIERS NOT PERMITTED!” You folks have no idea just how delighted I was to receive this message!  

With an excited haste I began skiing down the special trail. However, after some close calls I quickly learned that this ski trail was not as easy as it looked. But no matter! For I kept on persevering as I skied further, and further, and even further until I couldn’t ski any longer. I took a glance at my watch and concluded that it had been a whole 7 minutes of nonstop skiing. That’s my new personal best! Anyway, I decided that my hard work deserved a break so I got comfy in the snow and took a quick power nap. I’m pretty sure it was only four hours or so since when I woke up, it was pitch black. I know, I know, you guys are all thinking, “omg waking up in the woods at night time must be so scary! How did you not get freaked out?!” Well let me tell you a little secret, if I was completely fine in the woods during the day, what’s the difference if there’s just a little change in lighting? Now that we’ve covered that I am not scared of the dark, it was no biggie for me to do a little bit of night time skiing. So I shook off any laziness from the nap and began skiing. It turned out that skiing in the dark was no easy feat. I almost veered off the trail multiple times and don’t even get me started on the hidden icy patches! But that’s not even the worst part. 

Suddenly there was no ground below me and I was tumbling through the air! It felt like I was falling for hours! Or it could have been seconds. I’m not really sure but it was horrifying! My life flashed before my eyes (it was very enjoyable reliving my glory days but that’s not the point here) and just as I thought I was at the end of the line, I heard a thud and felt the familiar discomfort of snow biting my face. With a struggle I pushed myself up and realized that I was at the bottom of a cliff and engulfed in snow. I felt like I was about to become an icicle. It took a while for my vision to stop spinning but eventually I got sight of a trail of smoke in the sky. Smoke means fire and fire means warmth and warmth means not turning into an icicle! Using the cliff wall as support, I pulled myself up and tried to put one ski in front of the other and ski-walk to the beckoning smoke. 

Every step was draining but eventually I made it to a little cottage with brightly lit windows. The cottage was constructed entirely of brown bricks and the door was made of oak wood. Snow piled on the roof and icicles hung all of the ledges. The smoke coming from the chimney on top confirmed that this was the source of the trail. Without taking any time to think about the safety of entering a cottage in the middle of nowhere, I rapped on the oak wood door, silently willing it to open. And it did! A crazy tall man with a brown beard that could make him pass for Hagrid stood in the doorway. The heat spilling out of the cottage seemed to call my name while the man did not give me a comforting feeling. Nevertheless, I stood rooted to the ground, hungry for warmth. “HELLO THERE!” The man boomed with a voice that seemed to cause the cottage to tremble, “I’VE BEEN WONDERING WHEN YOU WOULD JOIN US.” That was the last thing I heard before everything went black and I felt myself drifting away from reality…

Oh man! Is that the time?! I’d love to continue telling you about my adventure but I really must go and train. An Olympian skier’s life is never busy! Don’t worry though, I’ll fill you in on the rest of the tale in my next Public Speech which will be found in February’s edition of the Orange and Black. 


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